I remember going to sleep the night of November 11th 2007 just like it was any other night. That day I probably did absolutely nothing of importance. I most likely spent the day online, playing video games, and watching reality TV. I had no idea life was about to hit me really hard.
I grew up living in Minnesota, where the majority of both sides of my family live. I have this crazy aunt, my moms sister, named Rhonda, who for whatever reason thought moving to Arizona was a good idea. Personally I think she was a bit of a party animal and her “Ken Kesey and his band of Merry Pranksters” type travels were a result of her partying ways. Her travels landed her in Phoenix Arizona where she reproduced with a fella named Charlie. Together they spawned three of my favorite cousins, Tyler the oldest, Kristen in the middle, and Andy the youngest.
I actually lived a couple blocks away from them in Arizona for a small portion of my childhood. Eventually we moved back to the North Pole… Minnesota. This made it difficult to maintain any kind of contact with them. (this was before the internet went mainstream) So that sucked, but they frequently took trips to Minnesota and stayed with us, and I would go to Arizona in the summers to stay with them.
Andy was three years younger than me and Tyler, so he naturally got the short end of things. We knew we could use this to our advantage, so me and Tyler put our heads together and formed the mighty “Bald Eagle Club” (we were probably 8 years old). Basically what this was, was a hierarchy of birds, where each successive bird rank granted you more privileges. Me and Tyler started out at the top as “Bald Eagles”, and Andy of course started out at the very bottom, he was a “Dodo Bird.”
So what this meant, in order for Andy to do stuff with us, he needed to reach the required ranks. To receive promotions Andy needed to do things for me and Tyler, lots of things. There were a couple years where Andy would do anything we asked him to do, get us pop, get us food, punch his sister, those types of things. He earned many promotions along the way. Every time he was nearing the top of the food chain, we would simply add a few bird families in. Occasionally he would revolt, but eventually the Bald Eagle Club would win out and he would come crawling back. Following each revolution, in order to buy us more time, he was demoted to “Dodo Bird”, effectively starting the cycle over again.
Eventually the Eagle Club faded out. Andy did make it to Bald Eagle, but unfortunately for him, Tyler and I then promoted ourselves to “Super Bald Eagles”.
Sometime later I broke both my arms in a motocross crash. Fortunately for me, Andy just so happened to be coming back to town to visit for a couple weeks. I used an Iron Fist and my Super Bald Eagle status to convince him to be my nurse. He was then responsible for providing my food, fluids, and hooking up the Playstation where ever I needed it.
Well more years passed, and just last March of 2007, Lizzy and I decided to move to Arizona. We packed up everything we owned and we were on our way. The very first night we got to town, I took Lizzy out to eat at the famed Rosita’s, where both Tyler and Andy worked. I remember I first saw him when he came bouncing out of the wait station on only the balls of his feet. He had this weird way of walking where sometimes he never let his heels touch the ground. Anyway, I made fun of him for this, and Lizzy punched me because she’d never met Andy and thought maybe he “had a problem” (he didn’t).
I went to work for my mom at the Scottsdale Villa Mirage. I coaxed Andy into coming to work with me and Lizzy. I told him it would be the easiest money he would ever make, and it was. The thing was, we were the new kids, and my mom (his aunt) had just taken over shop, so we were not real well liked by the long standing employees. It was Us vs. Them. It turns out, this made our time at work more fun than I could have ever imagined. The other employees shared a brain with a combined IQ of 7. So Andy and myself found it easy to entertain ourselves for hours by exploiting the sheer stupidity of the other employees. (For the record, the front desk staff was awesome, the activities staff was a bunch of space cadets)
Eventually our time in the desert had come. We were moving back to Minnesota October 22nd.
I remember saying specific goodbyes to everyone. I remember all the hugs and goodbyes from Rhonda, Tyler, Kris, Charlie, and everyone else. For whatever reason, Andy was absent from all this. I’m not sure where he was, or why we just overlooked it. I never even realized it until long after we had moved back to Minnesota. But I never said goodbye to him.
We had been back in Minnesota just over two weeks when at 3am on November 12th my cell phone rang. I didn’t answer it. Then Lizzy’s cell phone rang, it was my mom. She was in complete hysterics, but I heard everything I needed to hear to understand. Andy and his girlfriend Hope had been killed in a head on car crash.
Now the weird part was, I just went back to sleep. Its the strangest thing, I still don’t get it today. I remember Lizzy started bawling, and I went back to sleep. I’ve always heard people say, “It hasn’t hit me yet” or whatever. You always hear that after someone breaks a world record, or wins the Super Bowl or something. It never made sense to me, I mean you always see everyone celebrating and crying tears of happiness, so you have to assume they “got it”, and taken the saying as a stupid cliche.
But it really didn’t hit me. I knew Andy had died, I knew I would never see him again, I knew I would never get to say goodbye, but for some reason I didn’t cry or anything. I just went back to sleep. The next morning I woke up to go to my first day of work at my new job. I remember getting ready, driving to work, and working for about four hours. Then my boss came in (who happens to be very close to my mom) and told me he had heard about Andy (from my mom). The instant he stopped speaking, I completely lost it.
I guess that’s the moment that it “hit me”. I knew it was real.
I remember I was in his office trying to explain to him what happened (I had a few more details by then) and I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk, I was completely paralyzed. I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that this really happened.
See this stuff happens to people everyday. But Andy was different. He was the best friend you could ever have, family or not. He didn’t smoke, he didn’t drink, he didn’t cause any problems, he put a smile on everyone’s face. He would do anything you asked of him. He could see a movie, hear a comedian, hear a song, and immediately recite it back to you line for line. He had that combination of intelligence and wit that made him absolutely hilarious to be around.
I think about Andy everyday, its completely crazy. I used to go months without seeing or hearing from him and never thought twice about it. Now that he’s gone, and no matter how much I want to, I’ll never be able to see him again, and I can’t get it out of my head.
I’ve thought about it a lot. It took me a little bit to actually pinpoint it, but I remember the last time I was with Andy. I remember so clearly sitting in Rhonda and Charlies basement playing Ratchet & Clank with him. I remember the shirt he was wearing, I remember that we had Mexican for dinner that night. I remember playing cards (31) with him earlier. I even remember driving home that night and almost killing three stray dogs with my car.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to convey with this blog. I just figured maybe it would be good to put it all out there. Its been over 9 months and I’ve barely ever spoken of the whole thing, which is kind of weird considering how much I think about it. So there it is. Draw your own moral to this one I guess.
Andy Bear Walters Memorial Site
Just since I know you’re wondering, I feel I should address what I know your thinking about. Andy and his friends were up at his families cabin in the mountains of Payson, Arizona. One of Andy’s friends got sick. Andy and Hope offered to drive their friend into town to meet the girls parents. On the return trip, Hope was driving, and from the last I heard (there was lots of theories and stuff so who knows), Hope and Andy’s vehicle slipped onto the gravel shoulder. In an attempt to get back on the road the car over-corrected and collided head on with another larger vehicle. Andy and Hope were both instantly killed. However, the man in the other vehicle did live.
No drugs or alcohol were involved.
RIP Andy and Hope.
Tags: Andy, Arizona, Death, Kristen, Life, Lizzy, Tyler
August 15th, 2008 at 11:38 am
DJ,
I am still laughing and crying over this story. I cry because I miss Andy and I can’t beleive my grandbabies, and your kids will not get to know him. He was such an awesome guy. I remember the night we were playing “31″ like it was yesterday. Uncle Bob gave Andy all his winnings for a late graduation present. Andy preceded to put them in the slot machine and win big! He was a true winner. Andy loved working with you at the Scottsdale resort. He wouldn’t go back after you changed jobs and went to the front desk. He couldn’t bear to work with the “stupid people” all by himself. I think about him everyday or every minute sometimes. He is entertaining everyone in heaven right now, telling them “Tommy Boy” lines and doing magic tricks.
As for the Ken Kasey and the Merry Pranksters- I had to Google them to even know who they were! Smart Alec! I may have a little Gypsie in me, my nephew DJ takes after me! You are an awesome guy and a good friend to my kids. Thank you.
P.S. Take care of that awesome gorlfriend you have. We love Lizzy and are so glad you two found each other. XXOOXX Rhonda
August 15th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Dallas,
Thanks for sharing. You and I have met briefly on a few occasions. I’m Charlie’s old sister. Last weekend, I babysat for my grandchildren. Chloe, who is 5, asked me about dying. I told her it was part of living (kinda like Forest Gump’s mother). It wasn’t anything to fear, but made people sad when someone they loved died. I also told her the good news was that when we go to heaven, we get to see our loved one again. In a cheerful voice she said, “Oh good. That means we get to see Andy.”
And, that’s all I have to say about that.
Louise Laughlin
August 15th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Oh DJ, it took me 2 days to completely read this. It was just so hard. I knew you were hurting. I knew you sort of crawled in a hole after Andy died and I am so happy you have found a way to let it out. This was a beautiful story to share.
Rhonda and I talked today. She was very grateful for your taking the time to put your feelings down and sharing. Andy was incredibly amazing but unfortunately, we probably never told him that enough when he was here with us. It is funny how sometimes you don’t realize how much you love something/someone until they are gone from your life. I think of Andy nearly every second. I guess, with Grandpa, we knew he was sick and his time was near but the most startling, upsetting moment for me was the day of Grandpa and Andy’s burial service. Enough time past that I guess, in my mind, he was justt “away” and I saw his name on that brass nameplate. My heart stopped when the reality of his passing actually sunk in. Laugh as you may, I have talked to Andy. He came to me in my sleep one night and he was dressed as a “Grateful Dead” bear. He was flipping somersaults and laughing hysterically. I asked him repeatedly what he was trying to say to me, I woke up screaming to him, and then I realized he was saying, “I made it, I’m here. It is a wonderful place, and I just ran into Grandpa. Tell everyone we are having a blast!” God only cries for the living, because the living haven’t made it home. Grandpa and Andy have!
One more thing……regarding why you went to sleep and didn’t “get it” after I told you of Andy’s death. It is a defense mechanism that you and I are masters of. The day they took Amanda from my arms, literally and physically, a huge, heavy black drape dropped over me. My heart went dead at that moment. I have never, ever really recovered from that. I have learned to hide behind the drape when it hurts too much from that moment on.
You have taken a major step in your recovery though DJ, share your feelings and let it out. By doing this, we honor Andy and we keep his memory alive for all of us!
I love you DJ!
Mom
August 16th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Oh DJ. I made the mistake of reading this at working, even after Rhonda warning me against the onslaught of tears. When we were all in AP Art History, our teacher Mr. Evoy, showed us a drawing of a Dodo Bird, and Andy muttered something incoherrently. He was angry but couldn’t keep from laughing, I’m glad I finally know why. I miss him more then anything, everyday I wake and have to deal with not being able to call my Tum-Tum and just talk. He’s sucha goofball, I would call him at the most obscure hours just to tell him something I was thinking about. and the crazy part, is he would actually answer and listen without falling asleep! we would stay up and just talk. I love him so much my heart can bearly stand it. Thank you for keeping him here, for keeping his memory alive.
Always
Kat
August 17th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I miss Andy so much sometimes, which is so weird because I only knew him for 7 months and I think that is why I think about him so much. I get so crazy angry when I think about how I only knew him for those months and how I would give anything just to have that final goodbye that you and me never had with him. I remember getting to work one day and Andy was already there and how I went off on him about how much I hate the heat of Arizona and how I thought I was going to die the second I walked outside. Andy just looked at me and said “Then why did you move to Arizona” and started to laugh. Everytime I think of Andy, this is what I think of him the most because I truly think that we moved down to Arizona so I could get to know him and you got to spend a little more time with him before he let us all. I always find it so weird that those were some words that Andy said to me. As much as we all hated working at Scottsdale, I am so so so happy that we all did. The three of us always had so much fun the nights we all worked together. I always smile when I think of all of us on those days and how Andy was bitching because Hope made him watch all this movie that he couldn’t stand, haha. But mostly when I think of Andy…I think of Rhonda, Charlie, Tyler and Kristen and how much pain and sadness they feel everyday.No family should ever have to go through that. I just feel so bad for all of Hope and Andy friends because they loss two of their best friends and I know I think about how they are all doing with everything a lot. I can go on and on about this because I really do think about it all of the time (mostly on the 30 min. drive to and from work). One moment, I will be so mad that I didn’t say goodbye or that I only knew him from that short time but then the next minute I will be so happy that we went down there and I got to know him and hear his laugh that I loved so much and how i wish someone record it so I could hear it again. Thank you for writing this. I can see how sad you get when we talk about him and I think that its good that you did this.
I miss you Andy!!!!
August 26th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
[...] I felt was worth sharing. It left an impression on me, mainly because I recently lost a my cousin, Andy Walters. I’m not gonna tell you who said these words as that could play a role in your initial [...]