The Guido
A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.
Wardrobe:
Tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.
Natural Habitat:
Known to frequent Tri-State area malls looking for club gear to waste their week’s pay on. During the day when not at their food delivery, telemarketing, or construction job, can be located at their local gym tanning or lifting weights. Can be found nightly at mainstream dance clubs they read about online. Most notable for cruising the Jersey shore in an old car (Honda, Mustang, etc.) which has been tinted, painted and outfitted with $1,000-$3,000 rims in a feeble attempt to look like new. Guido cars usually have a boomin’ system through which cheesy music like freestyle, commercial club/trance and hip-hop is loudly blasted.
Genetic Links:
Directly related to modern day Urban-Guidos, A.K.A. “Wiggers,” A.K.A. “Wegros;” Urban-Guidos are white males who once exhibited the traits referenced above, but have now instead opted to keep it unreal, with wardrobes consisting of clothes from labels like FUBU and RocaWear which they bought on sale at Macy’s. These individuals still listen to the same music and drive the same type of car as their predecessor; it is usually just their choice of attire and use of slang and poor speech skills that differentiate them from the classic Guido. Most Guidos are distrusting of non-whites despite the fact some of their attire and music can be traced to non-white origins.
Recreational Activities:
Guidos enjoy beating up a non-white or homosexuals while assisted by a group of 5-10 Guido friends backing them up; engaging in date rape; and displaying their lack of rhythm by dancing poorly in the middle of a club’s dance floor while non-Guidos look on in disbelief.
Real World Sightings:
I think he’s pooping.
Holy sausage fest. What are they 14?
Cool belt buckle man. Did you get your shirt at Baby Gap?
Yep, still pooping.
So, he must pluck his eyebrows while practicing this pose.
Hopefully he’s buying shirts, he seems to be out.
Holy Man-O-Lantern!
Haha, they’re arranged from orange to white.
I think they’re martians, here to steal our women.
Bonus video: A Guido caught in his natural habitat
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September 3rd, 2008 at 5:54 pm
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October 7th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
great! it is difficult to belive that these guys exist..
June 11th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
i bring nothing to the table
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