Dallas McLaughlin

Krokus -- Eat The Rich

Late one night, while casually surfing channels at a friends house, we stumbled upon a music video by 80’s metal band, Krokus.  I truly believe Krokus was formed with the sole intention of providing us with the worst music video of all time, and they succeeded.  This video is so awful, I don’t even know where to start. We’ll start with the name of the band.

Band Name

• According to Wikipedia, The band name “Krokus” evolved from the word for a flower common to the region of southern Europe, the Crocus. Early in the spring of 1975, band founder Chris von Rohr observed a field of these flowers while traveling by train, and the idea to form a metal band soon followed.  Nothing screams metal like naming your band after a field of flowers.

Scenery

• Where the hell are they in this video?  It looks like a cross between a forgotten Star Wars universe, and the ABC TV show, Lost.  Why is the sky Pepto-Bismol pink?  And are those Gryphon’s guarding the stage?  You have to be pretty badass if you need mythical creatures to keep your fans in check.

Instruments

• They have cardboard cut-out guitars!  Did the tour manager forget to load the guitars, or was this previously planned, and deemed an awesome idea?  Did you notice the microphone?  Thats pretty awesome too, it appears to be some type of spikey club.  The drums just appear to be empty barrels painted to match the Stone Henge theme scenery. They must have spent their entire instrument budget on the guitars and mic, and said “Screw the drummer, just paint the garbage cans”.

Acting

• I can’t convey through words how awesome the performance of the guitar solo is.  Not only does he have a futuristic looking cardboard guitar, be he’s shredding that solo.  He lets loose with the Eddie Van Halen finger tapping, he even does the left hand tap while the right hand fist pumps, a la AC/DC.  The choreography is superb. The inherit danger with having three guitars, all with spears on the end, requires precise timing and execution.  One slipup and Krokus might be surfing Craigslist looking for a new guitar player.

Wardrobe

• The wardrobe is a mix between a caveman, a Tusken Raider, and The Animal.  I’m a little bit confused though.  The instruments are futuristic and cutting edge, yet the wardrobes imply this video was shot before the wheel was invented.  Maybe Krokus is a bunch of time traveling cavemen sent from the past, to the future, and then back to the present time.  Maybe Doc Watson is the band manager.  I could see a Delorean in this video.

Conclusion

• I have seen a lot of bad music videos, hell, if you turn on MTV, VH1, MTV 2, BET, MTV 3 (I think they still show videos?), you will see terrible video after terrible video.  However, Eat The Rich was released in a time when music videos were the big thing, now they’re almost a after thought.  To put this garbage out to compete directly with The Police, Duran Duran, ZZ Top, and Bruce Springsteen is unacceptable.  Although this video is terrible, its that perfect combination of bad and good.  It’s so bad, that it kept a living room full of people staring in awe at how awesome it was.  For that, I salute you Krokus, where ever you may be these days.

Tags: Entertainment, Humor, Music

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