Today, while hopelessly trying to reformat my PC, I was alarmed by the urgent ringing of my doorbell. It was one of those doorbell rings that only friends and family do, where they push it so rapidly the chime starts to give out under the stress.
So I threw on some pants (so I didn’t have pants on, big deal…) and ran for the door to greet my anxious visitor. I opened the door and no one was there. I was actually let down, it was like saving your biggest Christmas present box for last, and then realizing it’s just socks in an over sized box. I even held out hope and walked out onto our front step to have a look around.
But I didn’t give up hope. I went to our other door that has a doorbell, and still no one. Then I realized I had fell for the classic ding dong ditch, it’s not so funny when you’re the victim.
Unfortunately for these punk kids, they didn’t realize they had just ding dong ditched the master of ding dong ditching. It would be like challenging Yoda to a lightsaber duel.
I knew rules number 1 and 2 in the official handbook.
- Always remain hidden for 3 minutes after the front door is closed. The victim will always keep an eye out for the culprits.
- Good victims are hard to come by. When you spot one, strike again.
I could only hope these kids knew the rules.
See, we live in a rambler style house, so our front door is actually on the top floor, and our garage is underneath our bedroom. So I snuck downstairs, making sure not to turn any lights on, and then crept into the garage, again not turning any lights on. I stood in complete darkness and silence for probably 5 minutes until it happened….
Two little skateboarding punks came out of the shadows behind my car, my own car! I watched them slowly creep up the grass hill to our front door. Knowing that timing is everything, I had to wait for the precise moment to strike.
As the second kids foot hit our doorstep, I whipped the door open and screamed as loud as I could, “Hey you little fucks!”
Both kids were instantly paralyzed by sheer terror. I followed with a “I’ll break your fucking necks!”
Then they both knew I meant business. They turned and headed down the hill in a full sprint. The kid in the front quickly learned the law of gravity. He pulled the classic face plant which is a side effect of sprinting down a hill and reaching a speed faster than your legs can carry you. He scorpioned across the boulevard and into the street. The second kid kept running and left his friend for dead. What a pal.
I’ve never seen someone recover so fast from a yard sale of the magnitude this kid had just pulled off. He was on his feet and at top speed in no time (while trying to hold his pants up). He deserved a medal for the effort. Within seconds of me swinging the garage door open, both kids had vanished into the darkness of Northgate Park, never to be seen again.
It’s not everyday Yoda leaves his challengers to live another day, but this was just one such occasion. In all reality, I was proud to pass the torch to the next generation, and I wasn’t about to go running after some kids. I’m a little beyond my playing weight.
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:20 pm
thats good, but not as good as the punking those mini-van kids got at nochreinder. but i commend you none the less
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:34 am
Allendale Karl, Allendale…
October 14th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
well played dj, well played