The Emo
A group of white, mostly middle-class well-off kids who find imperfections in their life and create a ridiculous, depressing melodrama around each other. They often take anti-depressants, even though the majority don’t need them. Not to be confused with “Goth”. Gothics want to kill everyone, Emo’s only want to kill themselves.
Wardrobe:
Emo’s can be found wearing tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped Chuck Taylor’s with their favorite bands signature, black square rimmed glasses, and fake black greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5ths of the face at an angle. The “Guy-Liner” is essential to topping off the Emo look.
Natural Habitat:
Emo culture, dominated by middle to upper class suburban white teenagers, is characterized by weak music, self loathing and melodrama. Emo kids can be found sitting in a dark corner crying. When they do make it outside the confines of Suburbia, you can find them in the food court at the local mall, waiting for their parents to pick them up. When not watching TRL on MTV, you can find them at shows by My Chemical Romance, Death Cab For Cutie, The Used, and Senses Fail.
Genetic Links:
Emo can be directly linked to the mid-80’s punk bands of Washington DC. The late-90’s saw a resurgence in “Emotional Punk”. When mom and dad wouldn’t let them go to punk shows, they had to exchange the leather and chains for fleece sweaters and scarfs. With the rise in popularity of “Dashboard Confessional”, and “Death Cab For Cutie”, teenage girls showed an interest in the “soft side” of boys. This resulted in prepubescent teens ransacking their sisters closets for the smallest jeans they could fit into. They also began writing poems, expressing disgust in society, wearing makeup, and taking up “art”.
Recreational Activities:
After listening to some Emo music, Emo-Boy will log onto MySpace to talk to his Emo friends. After blogging about how shitty his life is, how he hates his parents, and how the whole world hates him, he’ll have a look at Emo-Girls MySpace page. A quick look at the 17,000 photos she’s uploaded (either of her looking into the distance, her looking up at the camera in a confused manner, or her at an Emo gathering), Emo-Boy and Emo-Girl will chat to each other. The conversation quickly turns to how they’re both alone and nobody understands them. Emo-Boy has had enough of MySpace (for a few minutes at least) and decides he is depressed. He writes a “deep and meaningful” poem, before deciding to end it all. A quick slash of the wrists and it’s time to sit in the dark and wait for the end to come. Unfortunately, he only drove the razor 2 milimetres into his skin, so there’s a pretty good chance he’ll be back at school the next day, trying (not very hard) to hide his fresh scars and emotions.
Emo Quote
“I wouldn’t expect you uncreative fascists to understand my art. It’s a statement. I’m all alone in this world, all I have is my poetry and my paintings. I am destined to travel through the misty and cold fog of existence alone and cold. My heart has long ago turned to stone, and now your harsh words simple hit the surface. The depths of my soul can no longer be tarnished by your small minded and stereotyped views…”
Real World Sightings:
He looks like a 6 year old, a 6 year old with a mustache.
Those jeans are from Baby Gap.
That’s like a Black-Homo-Cowboy-Trump.
She has to chisel that makeup off nightly.
He’s so Emo he pierced his lip in the dark.
Sweet ride.
I can’t come up with anything witty. He just looks like a jackass.
I honestly don’t know if that thing is male or female.
Take that West side! Jabba The Hutt does Emo.
Nothing about Apple strikes me as “Emo”.
He looks like Donkey Lips from “Salute Your Shorts”… and a jackass.
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October 2nd, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Hilarious, but for God’s sake, you do not make a word plural with an apostrophe-S. That either makes it a contraction or possessive. Guh.
But otherwise, good work!